One man surged from beyond his grave, one got away with murder, and the league arranged itself into three perfect groups of four. But the real question is, if not Mosko, then who?
As always, I’m your rip-shit-pissed-off Stat Fag Nic Hamilton. Let’s wrap up Week 4 of 2026.
THE DEAD HATH RISEN
Seven days after putting up the week's lowest score and falling to 0-3, Mosko (comeback kid) exploded for a Week 4-best 154.28pts. Tetairoa McMillan supplied 45.20pts, the highest individual score so far this season, as Trav (darryluvr3000) was beat down into a 69.50pt defeat. It's worth mentioning that in 2024 Mosko also started the season 1-3. He would end the regular season 5-9 and find himself losing the Toilet Bowl and getting the wax. Mosko did not merely avoid becoming the second 0-4 manager in Waxball history. He jumped two places, produced his highest score since Week 2 of 2025 and recorded the largest victory of anyone so far this season. Trav, meanwhile, falls to 1-3 with a league-worst -113.62 point differential.
HE CAN'T KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH THIS
Sam (mistahbigdick) scored only the eighth-most points in Week 4 but escaped with the narrowest win, beating Nic (Stat Fag) by 3.98pts. CeeDee Lamb's 41.30pts accounted for 37.4% of Sam's entire total.
Allow me to be bitter, but the man who's put up the second-lowest points in the league is now tied 1st at 3-1. Sam has won three straight and is the first manager in Waxball history to reach 3-1 while ranking as low as 11th in PF; the previous low was Nic, who ranked 8th after Week 4 of 2024. So maybe I deserve it fuck off.
FOUR UP. FOUR MID. FOUR FUCKED.
Week 4 leaves us in perfect formation: four managers at 3-1, four at 2-2 and four at 1-3. This is the second straight season with neither an undefeated nor a winless team after Week 4; in 2024, nobody was undefeated, but Will was still 0-4.
Miles Elliot takes the league lead with 537.70 PF, followed closely behind by Miles Blue. Both won their weeks against high-scoring opponents in Milo (123.28pts) and Paul (124.52pts). Blue and Paul were tied down to the decimal multiple times during MNF before a late Vele touchdown sealed it for Blue.
Erik has the league's best point differential at +54.40 but sits 5th, while Sam owns a negative differential and sits 4th.
WEEK 5: THE MILES BOWL
In Week 5, 1st-place Miles Elliot meets 2nd-place Miles Blue with the league lead on the line. Blue leads their five-game series 3-2 and won both meetings in 2025.
THE REST OF WEEK 5
Havi (Papi Coop) and Trav meet in this week's Heated Rivalry, the first of the season with a perfect 100/100 rivalry score. Trav leads their five meetings 3-2, three were decided by fewer than 14 points and the series includes last season's Toilet Bowl final. They arrive from opposite ends of the table: Havi is 3rd at 3-1, while Trav is 12th at 1-3 with the league's worst point differential.
The middle of the table all meet in Week 5: Erik (Pamela Mari Ohno Dagoberg) versus Will (poon messiah) and Nic (Stat Fag) versus Christian (Steeler Virginity). Both series are tied 1-1 and all four managers enter at 2-2 on the year.
Milo (Nacua Matata) will get a crack at ending Sam's three-game win streak. Sam won their only previous meeting in 2025, 127.52-100.72. Mosko and Paul, tied 1-1 all time, both sit at 1-3 and will battle to clamber out of the basement. Paul won their 2025 regular-season meeting 138.08-134.74, before Mosko answered with a 104.84-90.48 win to claim 3rd place in the final week of the playoffs.
WEEK 5 KICKS OFF WITH BUCCANEERS @ COWBOYS ON THURSDAY NIGHT.
CHECK OUT YOUR MANAGER DATABASE AND RIVALRIES TO SET YOURSELF UP FOR WEEK 5.
UNTIL NEXT TIME, HERE'S ME SAYING GOODBYE. GOODBYE!